I had talked a couple of blog posts ago about my tendency to chase rainbows. That sounds poetic and quaint and brings to mind pastel images.
In reality, it can be more like a pulsating strobe light that emits very different, violent colours and ends up tiring you. I know because I chase rainbows every single day, at work and at home. How many do I catch? I am not really sure.
Recently, I have been trying to ask myself the question -- what do I want to be. I have advised many people to ask themselves that question and answer it as honestly as possible, after deep thought. I have, however, not followed my own advice in this regard. I dither as I try to push my brain to take that next step. Or maybe I see a rainbow that needs to be chased just as my brain tries to focus on the task at hand.
I know I want to succeed and my hierarchical culture tells me that success comes from designations at work. On the other hand, my own instinct is to do the best job possible and shy away from touting my own achievements. As I culture and personality clashes, the rainbows appear. I get attracted to the many role models I could follow, the myriad paths I could take and the many causes I could espouse. Which one or ones, should be mine? And this attraction causes instability and distractions that stop me from doing my best at the tasks at hand.
As my husband put it the other day, "you admire and envy successful people you know, don't you? Stop and look at all that you have to be happy about". I know he's spot on because it's just another version of my deep inner voice that deserves to be listened to. And I know I have to do something before imagined defeats and feelings of being left behind drown out the shine of my opportunities at work.
May be challenging myself to give my best to everything I do is the only way to be, at least for me. May be, the designations will have to figure themselves out without any help from me, for the time being at least.
And that involves hunkering down, setting my priorities right and then getting the job done, creatively and effectively. May be if I start with "I will focus on what I am working on right now (since I do have really cool projects at work)", I will then be able to take the next step of "here are the things I enjoy and want to do more of and here are the ones I want to drop". That seems like a recipe that should work for me.
Maybe that is what I will do. I will pick my 'blue chip' rainbows. Others, flit away. I owe it to myself (and my happiness) and those I love not to chase each one of you.
In reality, it can be more like a pulsating strobe light that emits very different, violent colours and ends up tiring you. I know because I chase rainbows every single day, at work and at home. How many do I catch? I am not really sure.
Recently, I have been trying to ask myself the question -- what do I want to be. I have advised many people to ask themselves that question and answer it as honestly as possible, after deep thought. I have, however, not followed my own advice in this regard. I dither as I try to push my brain to take that next step. Or maybe I see a rainbow that needs to be chased just as my brain tries to focus on the task at hand.
I know I want to succeed and my hierarchical culture tells me that success comes from designations at work. On the other hand, my own instinct is to do the best job possible and shy away from touting my own achievements. As I culture and personality clashes, the rainbows appear. I get attracted to the many role models I could follow, the myriad paths I could take and the many causes I could espouse. Which one or ones, should be mine? And this attraction causes instability and distractions that stop me from doing my best at the tasks at hand.
As my husband put it the other day, "you admire and envy successful people you know, don't you? Stop and look at all that you have to be happy about". I know he's spot on because it's just another version of my deep inner voice that deserves to be listened to. And I know I have to do something before imagined defeats and feelings of being left behind drown out the shine of my opportunities at work.
May be challenging myself to give my best to everything I do is the only way to be, at least for me. May be, the designations will have to figure themselves out without any help from me, for the time being at least.
And that involves hunkering down, setting my priorities right and then getting the job done, creatively and effectively. May be if I start with "I will focus on what I am working on right now (since I do have really cool projects at work)", I will then be able to take the next step of "here are the things I enjoy and want to do more of and here are the ones I want to drop". That seems like a recipe that should work for me.
Maybe that is what I will do. I will pick my 'blue chip' rainbows. Others, flit away. I owe it to myself (and my happiness) and those I love not to chase each one of you.
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